FRIENDS???

Friends???

it was one of those moments where I wondered if time had actually stopped moving forward. And it was not so in a good sense. I felt like a kid of kindergarten who was waiting the last bell to ring and the clock never seemed to move. Only difference was that I had nowhere to go. This happened a lot lately. I was sitting in front of my laptop staring at my Facebook page. You know that your life is dull when facebook seems like hell. In plain words, I was bored of the boredom.

My work was perfect, my life… not so perfect. It was way too simple…like some abandoned house, something was missing and I could never put my finger on it. I was staring ideally at my mailbox when an unexpected mail caught my eye. The name seemed familiar, but I could hardly believe it. I opened anxious…

Hey Ishita,

It’s been a long time but can we meet someday? I am in your city, permanently. Missed you a lot.

Love,

 Rishi

It was short and I could hear the strain it must have caused him to write those few words. I could picture his hesitance. Rishi, my once best friend…I sighed.

It had been almost three years since we talked after our grand fight. It’s really been that long? I wondered. I deliberated for a moment as to what I should reply. It won’t harm…my heart said. But my brain seemed glued to “don’t you dare”. I was perplexed. So I didn’t reply that day. The next day I got another one from him.

Hi…I suppose you haven’t forgiven me. It’s ok. It was a long shot anyway. I hope we could meet. I am so very sorry for that day. I really am.

And then it was over. I replied

Hi…I guess you have nothing to apologize for. It was my fault. Let’s meet this Saturday. Our place.

And I waited. His reply was positive of course and we met after 2days. Banjaraa was a small café that had been our place since school. Rishi and I have been classmates since sixth grade and best friends since seventh. The café had changed. It was renovated and had some funk to it. A lot changed in 3years.

At first I looked at him. He was different. It was startling to see him in formal attire. I was so used to his jeans tee look. He was slim but muscular, the roundness about his face gone, a light beard and something else…he looked professional. I was in salwaar kameez. He looked like some model and I…well like a salesgirl. He smiled at me… a smile of recognition. I replied the same.

“I liked the old place. It seems alien” he said after sometime.

“Me too.” I mumbled.

He looked at me for a long time and the silence was stretching, making us uncomfortable. So I asked about his work. He answered formally. Then he asked about mine, I answered formally too. It seemed like each question I asked was mirrored back to me, like some doll who talked whatever you talk to him.

An hour passed and I ran out of questions. We sat there staring at each other. And then he said,

“Ishita are you still upset with me?”

He never ever called me Ishita, just Ishi for him and he took my name for the first time.

“No Rishi I am not. It’s good to see you” I always called him Rish, never Rishi. He looked agonized to hear that name… some best friend we were.

“How is Sneha?” I asked not looking up from my coffee. Sneha…the root cause of all evil. The very reason we fought.

“We broke up. It’s been two years” he said calmly. My head jerked up.

“What?” I said. “Yes. We are not together anymore” he said.

I had predicted that she was a bitch, I even called her that, she blamed that I said so because I was jealous of her that I could never have Rishi for myself, I had shouted at her, at which Rishi raised his hand to slap me and I swore never to see his face again. That was our last conversation. At his words I should have felt victorious that I was right, yet I somehow felt hurt. I realized it then…

“Did you say two years ago?” he nodded so I continued “then why were you not talking to me? It’s been three years!” I could feel blood rushing to my cheeks. I was angry.

He didn’t look up as he answered, “I felt ashamed, ashamed that I hurt you…so very much. I thought you would never want to see my face again”

I was so angry and then I started laughing. It took me a moment to stop…all the while he looked at me as if I was crazy. And then I said… “An idiot you will always be. Look at the royal mess we made Rish”

He was still confused, but his smile, genuine one was back. I continued “you thought I didn’t want to see you. I thought you hated me”.

He got up… reached across the table and hugged me, “it’s so good to see you Ishi” and we laughed. After that it was easy. We talked, teased and laughed. While walking out I swore I would kill him if he dressed like that again. He warned me the same.

When I returned home, my face was all bright and shiny. No facial treatment could do that except happiness. We made plans to meet again and again. This time more informally. Time never seemed to be enough. We had endless topics to talk about. My life was live now. I was happy all the time.

We started going out like we used to. All traces of sadness, pain all but gone. At some point I would accept to myself that I needed him, like a drug. He was my happy drug. And before I realized, it happened.

While we were returning from a movie, it rained like cats and dogs. So we took shelter under a closed shop. I didn’t exactly know what started it, whether it was me trembling due to the rain or the close proximity between us due to lack of space or the romantic movie we watched that had a scene like this the thundering and lightening, he put his hand under my chin, one hand holding my face and carefully placed his lips on mine. It might have been hours for all I knew when I realized what we were doing. Till then I had been too dazed. I abruptly moved away from him and walked into the rain. He caught my hand…

“What happened Ishi?”

I turned. Fury on my mind, “what happened? You just kissed me! That’s what happened”

“But I love you… so much. I have for a long time now. Am I too late to say my feelings out loud? Do you like someone else?” there was agony in his voice but my fury didn’t even see that.

“Just because that bitch left you, doesn’t mean you have a chance with me. And you don’t love me, you never have. You just need someone to make you feel good about yourself. I can’t be that anymore” I spitted out and left feeling the acid on my tongue from my own words.

On reaching home I cried. I have loved him… for what seemed like forever. But to be a replacement? That’s something I could never accept. He would always expect me to be like her! I wasn’t her and I wasn’t the one he really loved.

Days, weeks passed and my life returned o normal as was before him. He tried calling, texting, even pounded at my door, but I remained silent and after a few weeks, he gave up when I texted “if you ever cared about me, then leave me alone, I beg you” that was that.

But I missed him, more than I could imagine. One day while I was looking at some clothes at a store, I saw Sneha. She did recognize me and came to me.

“Hi Ishita. How is Rishi?”

I was shocked at the question. “Err hi. Why are you asking me about him?”

“Shouldn’t I? You both are together for almost two years now. Right?”

She looked at my confused face. I said, “No. we were never together. We met a few months ago (six months, two weeks and four days my mind calculated). I don’t think he meant me when he talked about relationship”

“You must be kidding! He absolutely loves you”

“And how did you end up to that conclusion?” I asked sarcasm clear in my voice.

“Because that’s what he said. After you…well left, he kept talking about you…so much so that he completely forgot I existed. After a few months I decided it was time. I couldn’t be with a person who loved another one with so much devotion. When I confronted him, he agreed with me. Thus we made a clean mutual break up. In fact I got engaged last year. My wedding is in next month. You must come and bring Romeo with you.” She said with a wink.

I could hardly believe my ears. All this time I had been so wrong about him. He actually loved me. This news sent current of ecstasy through my veins. He loved me as much I did to him. I almost hugged Sneha, congratulated her and fled.

I made a stop at my place to pick a few things and rushed to Banjaraa. On my way, I called him, “Rish meet me at Banjaraa now. No questions please.”

My urgency must have caught him off guard. We talked after a month. But the call worked and he reached just minutes after I did. I couldn’t believe, but it actually rained that day. We both were wet and when he entered, I played my guitar (one year of guitar lessons and 5000 bucks on the guitar paid off) to his favorite romantic song. When I was finished, I walked to him and hugged him. He was still confused. And then in front of probably 30 people, I said “I love you Rish, I always have, I always will and you will always remain an idiot” and then I kissed him.

From his expression I saw he wanted explanation, but the moment our lips met, we both agreed that the explanation should come later. He took me in his arms, raising me from the ground and said “I love you Ishi, always and forever”