“There
is a legend of a bird that sings only once in its life, more beautifully than
any other creature on the face of earth. From the moment it leaves its nest, it
searches for a thorn tree, and doesn’t rest until it has found one. Then singing
among the savage branches, it impales itself upon the longest, sharpest spine. And,
dying, it rises above its own agony to out- carol the lark and the nightingale.
One superlative song, existence the price. But the whole world stills to listen
and God in His heaven smiles. For the best is only bought at the cost of great pain....
Or so says the legend”
- - The
Thorn Birds (by Colleen McCullough)
Jeevika stood motionless as Ashish presented her the ring. A
thousand different things crossed her mind, but she held on to the most
important memory.
Jeevika was only 10 when she lost both her parents. When her
paternal uncle and aunt adopted her and her younger brother, she had no idea
what was happening. She had never been close to them or seen them. They had
appeared out of the blue and started living in her house. The social worker who
looked after her after her parent’s death and before they were adopted, had
told her
“As
your mother was an orphan, the only relatives you have are your paternal ones
and among them your uncle and aunt only came forward to adopt you. They are
going to stay here with you and take care of you and your brother. If you ever
face any problems, contact me. I have some other important things to discuss
with you, but right now you are too young for that”
And
then she was gone. After only a week she realized that their new family had no
regards for her and her brother. They had become strangers in their own home. It
was not that they weren’t fed or sent to school, but the quality of their life had
changed.
The
thing that hurt her the most was that her uncle and aunt had stated using her parent’s
things. Her aunt would flaunt her mother’s clothes, jewelry, use her perfume. A
first she saw it differently. She felt as if she had seen her mother come back.
That time her brother, Anuj was just
six. He ran and hugged her aunt, crying, “Momma… I have missed you. Where were
you?”
And
in the next moment, her aunt had pushed him away saying, “I am not your mother.
Don’t do this next time or else I will slap you”
Jeevika
hopes had vanished. She pulled Anuj away
from her aunt and took him to their room where they both had cried their eyes
out. That very day she had decided that she will be her brother’s keeper and
will see to it that nothing hurts him, ever again.
When
she passed her 12th board exams, she received a full scholarship to
study at a medical school. From the scholarship money she got, she would send
some of it to her brother. Since she was staying in hostel, she made sure that
her bother faced no problems at the house; she had stopped calling it home from
a very long time.
It
was during her 1st year at med school that she had met Ashish. They had
become friends instantly and she had felt something else. No, it wasn’t love at
first sight. It was respect. Ashish had been so compassionate towards her that
she was just drawn to him. She felt as if he could always know the exact thing
she was feeling. When he met Anuj, he behaved as if he had known him for ever.
When
Anuj had told her that he liked him too, she had been sure that he was the one.
They had become a couple soon after. That was the time she felt that nothing
could go wrong again. He was loving, caring and protective. He was the first
person who made her realize that she had turned too hard on herself and that
she should be taken care of.
It
was during this time that she turned 18 and was informed by the social worker
that she was the legal heir to all the property. She had been ecstatic as she
knew what she had to do.
But
after a few months she realized something was wrong with Ashish. He had turned
cold all of a sudden. He was avoiding her. Soon she came to know that he was
involved with another girl. When she confronted him, he told blatantly, “you
and I are over”. She simply came back, holding back the tears that were about
to spill.
She
passed medical school, and decided to go abroad for further studies. This time
she took Anuj with him. She had told her uncle and aunt that she was the legal
heir and that she shouldn’t be taken for granted.
One
day while she was going to university, she saw Ashish. He came to her and said,
“Hi
Jeevika. I want to talk to you”
“I
am sorry but I don’t think that is going to happen” she said and left.
Each
day he would wait for her and she would ignore him. One day she got tired of
all this and asked,
“What
do you want?”
“I
am really sorry. I had been a jerk. Every day I regret for leaving you. You are
still the most important person of my life. I cannot live without you. I had
been searching for you for almost two years. You shouldn’t have vanished. Now that
I have found you, I m not letting you go, ever again.” And then he presented the ring.
Jeevika
was silent for a long time.
Finally
she spoke, “Every person in this world has to make their own journey. Nobody
shares the burden. But it feels nice to walk beside someone, to hold their hand.
But sometimes it’s better to walk alone
rather than with someone who never wants to walk side by side and for whom we
will always have to look back and wait to catch up”
“I
have let go of all the feelings I had for you, not because I do not love you,
but because I have realized that I deserve better. My life has a greater
meaning than holding out for you. I have responsibilities and I have to make a
good life for Anuj. Go. Have a happy life. I am not going to be a part of it”
She
said and walked away. Her heart broke into a million pieces, but she had to do
it. Even in pain, she felt a kind of bliss as if someone was smiling down on
her from above. A smile touched her lips and two tears rolled down her cheeks.
