ETERNAL AFFILIATION

The pain was excruciating, I could hardly breathe. It seemed as if I had to spend all my energy every time I took a single breath. I could feel something sticky on my forehead. I tried to touch it but someone told me “don’t struggle... we are just a few minutes away from the hospital”

I tried to say that I couldn’t breathe, but the words won’t come out. Something was there on my mouth and nose... I wanted to take it off but I couldn’t. Everything was paining... I wanted to sleep, but the pain was over powering everything else. I could feel that I was being lifted and put in a vehicle…

The doors were about to close when I heard a voice full of panic, “hurry up will you? Can’t you see she is in pain? We don’t have time to waste”

Someone said “we will have to inform the police”

Then the voice said again, “I will inform them... and fulfill all your bloody formalities, just hurry up”

I felt someone hold my hand... I knew the touch, its warmth so well… I knew then that I was safe. She was here, and she won’t let anything to happen to me. But can she really be here? Even after what I did?

My eyes were getting heavy and sleep took over me.

I woke up to the beep beep sound of the monitor that said that my heart was still working, and I saw her half asleep on the chair beside my bed. The clock showed 3am. She was there looking as if she was never gone… memories flooded me……

It feels as if yesterday instead of 5years when I first stepped into college. I was feeing anxious because I never knew what college’s environment was. I had completed my XIIth in the school where I joined in nursery. I knew nothing about college and my friends told me that every fresher had to undergo ragging.

I wanted to sneak past all the seniors and reach my class, but as predestined, all good things do not happen when you expect them to, and a bunch of my seniors were sitting on their bikes. Three guys and four girls. One of them asked,

“Hey you there… come here”

And I froze… I had heard of stories where seniors tortured fresher so much so that they committed suicide. I gathered up all the courage I had and walked to them. There was probably 20 steps gap between us… and in those 20 steps, I kept repeating myself “I am a strong woman. They cannot do anything illegal here. After all ragging is an offence, punishable against law. I can do this. They can’t tease me. I am a strong woman”

Each time I said all this, a little voice in my brain said “you are dead meat”

One girl asked, “Are you a fresher?”

I could hear the little voice saying “chicken”… I nodded.

There was a triumphal smile on her face… and her friends smiled crookedly.

One guy said “first of the season”

I could literally hear my heart beating wild against my ribs.

He asked “what’s your name doll face?” and my muscles tightened.

I mumbled “riya sharma”

Another girl said “since you are the first fresher we caught [he grinned as if I was a mouse that he had by the tail] we would like you to introduce yourself in a dramatic way… as in you have to sing”

She didn’t look like a bully, but there was something about her face that said that anyone who crossed her would be sorry as hell.  I dropped the idea of running off, which was being carefully planed in my brain for the last 5minutes. I could sense that she would never tolerate if I ran off.  She was the predator and I was the outlander in her territory. There wasn’t a chance of my survival.

I could hear the throbbing of my pulse near my ear. There wasn’t anything extraordinary that they had asked of me. I was perfectly capable of giving my introduction and in a dramatic way for sure. I was the drama queen of my group. But at that moment I felt vulnerable. I had a nervous breakdown and I cried on the spot. I put my face in my hands and sobbed. Hearing my broken cry, someone placed a hand on my shoulders; I looked up to see that it was the same girl.

She said, “Hey don’t cry. We were just kidding. No need to be so serious about al this stuff”

And I cried harder like the stupid I was. I don’t know what she thought, but she held me close till my sobs faded. Then she said, “I am gitika and these are my friends. Do not cry. We are your friends.”

And that was the day I got a sister t the college. Since then she had been my protector and me, her protégé. Thanks to her I never faced a problem at college and no one ever tried to bully me. She became the sister that I never had and I became her doll sister.  Nobody would ever say that we both weren’t related by blood. I guess we were siblings in another life. Though she was just 8months elder to me, still she preferred that I call her as di.

And then three years 6months and 12days since the day I made acquaintance with gitika di, the unexpected happened. It was her farewell. I had done badly in one of my papers and was very sad. I was at college and di was trying to cheer me up. I was irritated, and told her to leave me alone. But she kept on pushing me and when it was more than I could bear, slapped her. For a moment everything became still… and then she swore that she will never see my face ever again. I was too angry to realize my mistake and white with rage I said I didn’t care and came home.

When my anger cooled, I thought of the grave mistake I did, but when I tried to reach her, she denied talking to me. After trying to talk to her, my ego didn’t allow me to try to persuade her anymore.

I saw her again after two years at a function, yesterday or was it day before? It all depended on how many days I was asleep. She wasn’t aware that I was at the same party, but I saw her and when our eyes met while I was coming out of the party, I was too much occupied to see the headlights coming towards me and everything faded.

The two years had little effect on her features. She was still the same, with the same graceful look about her face. I felt a lump in my throat. She was here, even after I insulted her in front of the whole campus. The pain of bandages on my head and body faded at her sight. My di was here. I tried to reach for water when the tubes attached to my hand made a sound and di woke up.

She came near me and placed a cold palm on my face, “how do you feel sweetie?”

I could only stare at her… and then I babbled “di I am really very sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I am ashamed of myself. I am the most despicable person…”

She shushed me and said “you need to relax. I am here and don’t be sorry. You are my kid sister and you will always be that.”

“Can you forgive me after what I did? How can you stand here knowing that I am a rotten person?”

“Isn’t that what sisters are for? To watch each others back? Besides I love you lot to hold any grudges against you”

She pecked me on my cheeks and told me to sleep.

Lying in that white room I realized how very little knowledge I had of relationships. The moments you expect them to snap and break off; they come up with a stronger bond than ever. True relationships are like that, they never dwindle, even at worse times but become concentrated just like the phoenix, which is reborn from its ashes. I was so naïve, still am naïve. After all, I am the kid sister to my di.