ALONE PART 2

When sadness pulls me into its abyss,

When a tear caresses my cheek,

When I feel my insides tuning hollow,

I think of you,

Hoping to find some solace.

Each day I fall a little deeper,

The harder it gets to rise again,

I wait for you to give me your hand,

To hold me close, just as you promised

Then I remember that you are not a promise keeper.

I burn deep within,

The flames engulf me each day,

blazing something vital in me day in and day out

I scream for help, to stop the pain,

But no one has an ear to lend,

I wait for the day to be tuned into ashes,

So that I can rise from them again,

Just as a phoenix, waiting to breathe again.

FRIENDS???

Friends???

it was one of those moments where I wondered if time had actually stopped moving forward. And it was not so in a good sense. I felt like a kid of kindergarten who was waiting the last bell to ring and the clock never seemed to move. Only difference was that I had nowhere to go. This happened a lot lately. I was sitting in front of my laptop staring at my Facebook page. You know that your life is dull when facebook seems like hell. In plain words, I was bored of the boredom.

My work was perfect, my life… not so perfect. It was way too simple…like some abandoned house, something was missing and I could never put my finger on it. I was staring ideally at my mailbox when an unexpected mail caught my eye. The name seemed familiar, but I could hardly believe it. I opened anxious…

Hey Ishita,

It’s been a long time but can we meet someday? I am in your city, permanently. Missed you a lot.

Love,

 Rishi

It was short and I could hear the strain it must have caused him to write those few words. I could picture his hesitance. Rishi, my once best friend…I sighed.

It had been almost three years since we talked after our grand fight. It’s really been that long? I wondered. I deliberated for a moment as to what I should reply. It won’t harm…my heart said. But my brain seemed glued to “don’t you dare”. I was perplexed. So I didn’t reply that day. The next day I got another one from him.

Hi…I suppose you haven’t forgiven me. It’s ok. It was a long shot anyway. I hope we could meet. I am so very sorry for that day. I really am.

And then it was over. I replied

Hi…I guess you have nothing to apologize for. It was my fault. Let’s meet this Saturday. Our place.

And I waited. His reply was positive of course and we met after 2days. Banjaraa was a small café that had been our place since school. Rishi and I have been classmates since sixth grade and best friends since seventh. The café had changed. It was renovated and had some funk to it. A lot changed in 3years.

At first I looked at him. He was different. It was startling to see him in formal attire. I was so used to his jeans tee look. He was slim but muscular, the roundness about his face gone, a light beard and something else…he looked professional. I was in salwaar kameez. He looked like some model and I…well like a salesgirl. He smiled at me… a smile of recognition. I replied the same.

“I liked the old place. It seems alien” he said after sometime.

“Me too.” I mumbled.

He looked at me for a long time and the silence was stretching, making us uncomfortable. So I asked about his work. He answered formally. Then he asked about mine, I answered formally too. It seemed like each question I asked was mirrored back to me, like some doll who talked whatever you talk to him.

An hour passed and I ran out of questions. We sat there staring at each other. And then he said,

“Ishita are you still upset with me?”

He never ever called me Ishita, just Ishi for him and he took my name for the first time.

“No Rishi I am not. It’s good to see you” I always called him Rish, never Rishi. He looked agonized to hear that name… some best friend we were.

“How is Sneha?” I asked not looking up from my coffee. Sneha…the root cause of all evil. The very reason we fought.

“We broke up. It’s been two years” he said calmly. My head jerked up.

“What?” I said. “Yes. We are not together anymore” he said.

I had predicted that she was a bitch, I even called her that, she blamed that I said so because I was jealous of her that I could never have Rishi for myself, I had shouted at her, at which Rishi raised his hand to slap me and I swore never to see his face again. That was our last conversation. At his words I should have felt victorious that I was right, yet I somehow felt hurt. I realized it then…

“Did you say two years ago?” he nodded so I continued “then why were you not talking to me? It’s been three years!” I could feel blood rushing to my cheeks. I was angry.

He didn’t look up as he answered, “I felt ashamed, ashamed that I hurt you…so very much. I thought you would never want to see my face again”

I was so angry and then I started laughing. It took me a moment to stop…all the while he looked at me as if I was crazy. And then I said… “An idiot you will always be. Look at the royal mess we made Rish”

He was still confused, but his smile, genuine one was back. I continued “you thought I didn’t want to see you. I thought you hated me”.

He got up… reached across the table and hugged me, “it’s so good to see you Ishi” and we laughed. After that it was easy. We talked, teased and laughed. While walking out I swore I would kill him if he dressed like that again. He warned me the same.

When I returned home, my face was all bright and shiny. No facial treatment could do that except happiness. We made plans to meet again and again. This time more informally. Time never seemed to be enough. We had endless topics to talk about. My life was live now. I was happy all the time.

We started going out like we used to. All traces of sadness, pain all but gone. At some point I would accept to myself that I needed him, like a drug. He was my happy drug. And before I realized, it happened.

While we were returning from a movie, it rained like cats and dogs. So we took shelter under a closed shop. I didn’t exactly know what started it, whether it was me trembling due to the rain or the close proximity between us due to lack of space or the romantic movie we watched that had a scene like this the thundering and lightening, he put his hand under my chin, one hand holding my face and carefully placed his lips on mine. It might have been hours for all I knew when I realized what we were doing. Till then I had been too dazed. I abruptly moved away from him and walked into the rain. He caught my hand…

“What happened Ishi?”

I turned. Fury on my mind, “what happened? You just kissed me! That’s what happened”

“But I love you… so much. I have for a long time now. Am I too late to say my feelings out loud? Do you like someone else?” there was agony in his voice but my fury didn’t even see that.

“Just because that bitch left you, doesn’t mean you have a chance with me. And you don’t love me, you never have. You just need someone to make you feel good about yourself. I can’t be that anymore” I spitted out and left feeling the acid on my tongue from my own words.

On reaching home I cried. I have loved him… for what seemed like forever. But to be a replacement? That’s something I could never accept. He would always expect me to be like her! I wasn’t her and I wasn’t the one he really loved.

Days, weeks passed and my life returned o normal as was before him. He tried calling, texting, even pounded at my door, but I remained silent and after a few weeks, he gave up when I texted “if you ever cared about me, then leave me alone, I beg you” that was that.

But I missed him, more than I could imagine. One day while I was looking at some clothes at a store, I saw Sneha. She did recognize me and came to me.

“Hi Ishita. How is Rishi?”

I was shocked at the question. “Err hi. Why are you asking me about him?”

“Shouldn’t I? You both are together for almost two years now. Right?”

She looked at my confused face. I said, “No. we were never together. We met a few months ago (six months, two weeks and four days my mind calculated). I don’t think he meant me when he talked about relationship”

“You must be kidding! He absolutely loves you”

“And how did you end up to that conclusion?” I asked sarcasm clear in my voice.

“Because that’s what he said. After you…well left, he kept talking about you…so much so that he completely forgot I existed. After a few months I decided it was time. I couldn’t be with a person who loved another one with so much devotion. When I confronted him, he agreed with me. Thus we made a clean mutual break up. In fact I got engaged last year. My wedding is in next month. You must come and bring Romeo with you.” She said with a wink.

I could hardly believe my ears. All this time I had been so wrong about him. He actually loved me. This news sent current of ecstasy through my veins. He loved me as much I did to him. I almost hugged Sneha, congratulated her and fled.

I made a stop at my place to pick a few things and rushed to Banjaraa. On my way, I called him, “Rish meet me at Banjaraa now. No questions please.”

My urgency must have caught him off guard. We talked after a month. But the call worked and he reached just minutes after I did. I couldn’t believe, but it actually rained that day. We both were wet and when he entered, I played my guitar (one year of guitar lessons and 5000 bucks on the guitar paid off) to his favorite romantic song. When I was finished, I walked to him and hugged him. He was still confused. And then in front of probably 30 people, I said “I love you Rish, I always have, I always will and you will always remain an idiot” and then I kissed him.

From his expression I saw he wanted explanation, but the moment our lips met, we both agreed that the explanation should come later. He took me in his arms, raising me from the ground and said “I love you Ishi, always and forever”

JOURNEY

Journey

I was recently appointed on a new project that demanded me to travel 40 Kms from my house every day. Since the distance wasn’t that huge, I decided to do up down. It was the month of May and it seemed as if the city was situated in the heart of the sun. It was so damn hot that one could feel the sun draining away all the fluids from the body. As if to compliment the heat, it was very very humid. Any clothes you wear would stick to your body and amplify the effect of the heat.

Though I loved my job, yet I hated the heat. My workplace was completely air conditioned, so was my flat (that’s another reason to come home daily. I could sleep peacefully) the only time I could feel the wrath of the sun was during the journey from home to office and vice versa. The most convenient method of transport for me was the bus and it was always crowded. The time of the day doesn’t matter, buses would always be packed. It often made me wonder where all these people come from. There would be a bus every 5minues and all of them equally packed.

Every day the journey would be the same. I come out of my house happy and clean and by the time I reach my workplace, I am drenched in my sweat as well as the passenger sitting beside me. But one day, the one hour journey to my office became worth it.

By the way, I am Arun and this is the point where an unexpected twist happened in my monotonous life. It was Monday. That day I was unfortunate firstly because I didn’t get a seat and secondly because I was already late, so I was standing and praying when the journey will be over. Just two stoppages away from mine, a girl boarded the bus. The moment I looked at her, she looked at me and I could hear the clicking of some puzzle of nature.

She was beautiful, too beautiful. Her eyes like the ocean, her hair like the darkest clouds, and her smile like blossoming flower and I became a poet. It was after a moment I realized that I had been staring her the whole time and staring at a girl was still in the bad manners list. She looked as though she was not affected by the sun like the models in sunscreen ads. She stood beside me…

After that day, every day I took the same bus, which meant every day I reached my office exactly 15mins late, but I didn’t mind that because every day I got to see her. Some days she would be in a good mood and would wear vibrant colored clothes, some days her mood would be off. Those days she preferred black and wouldn’t smile. She would regularly listen to music. On my lucky days she would sometimes smile at me. But that was that. I had noticed a whole lot of things about her. She had become my one good thing about the journey. On those days when I would miss the bus, I thought about her at the office.

One day I saw her aboard the bus with a guy, she kept talking to him the whole time and I was burning up. I noticed them coming together after that day, till the day she came alone. That day (Tuesday) she sat beside me, lucky for me, she had didn’t had change for the bus fare and I paid for her. We talked for the first time, for a whole hour!

“Thank you. I am Priya” she said with a smile.

“Hi. Arun here”

Then I came to know that she on training for her new job and that it was going to be over this week. Also I came to know that the guy wasn’t her boyfriend but a friend (phew!). On hearing the first news I was sad, but extremely happy for the 2^nd one.

  That day I kept thinking that after this week I would probably never see her again. It hurt. So I thought I would take a bold step and ask her number. The next day she didn’t come, the day after that I had to reach office early. So we arrived at her last day. Though I had to reach office early, I took my chances.

She sat beside me. “Hi Arun.”

“Hi.”

We talked for some time. I tried to ask her number a hundred times, but failed. Just a stoppage before mine, I said, “Priya I know this is highly inappropriate to tell you that too in a bus, but since it’s probably the last time we are meeting, but I would really like to see you again, this time not on a bus but some place nice. Would you please consider that and grant me one meeting? I really like you”

I said the whole thing in a go and waited for her, perhaps to slap me. But she didn’t say anything, didn’t even look at me. It was a long shot, I knew. Defeated I got down from the bus at my stoppage. I came near the window where she was seated for one last look. She didn’t look at me but started doing something. The bus was about to leave when she looked up and called me,

“Hey Arun… I never returned the money you paid for me that day” she said with a frown and shoved a Rs. 50 note in my hand through the window. I had no option but to take it, a memento from her. I chuckled. The bus left so did I.

When I took it out form my pocket, at office to keep it in my wallet, I saw something else except the smiling Gandhiji.

“You never told me where we would meet… text me the place”

Below that was a ten digit number followed by a smiley. 

SEASONS OF LOVE

Seasons of love

Looking at the flower garlands that adorned the walls of our hall, I remembered the fight I had with mom a few weeks ago.

“No! I don’t want to get married now” I yelled at mom. But she wasn’t someone who would give up easily.

She yelled back, “why not? The boy is handsome, educated, good family background and settled. What is your goddamn problem?”

“I don’t believe this! We have been settled in Sydney for the last 27years, but you still believe in the “settled, educated Indian guy” why can’t you accept that I want to get married in my 30s? I am just 27 now”

“That is because in our hearts, we are still Indian and the customs are not going to change for you. For heaven’s sake you haven’t even met that guy yet Riya. Just meet him and then make your decision”

She wasn’t someone who would surrender easily, so was I, so I stormed out of the house to the nearby park.

The park had always been an emotional shelter for me. Whenever I was upset I would go there, sometimes sit for hours and comeback with a light mood and fresh ideas. That day, when I went to sit on my “bench of wisdom”, Uncle Sam was sitting there.

Uncle Sam, Mr. John Samuel, was our neighbor. He lived with his wife. His two sons were married and lived away. Though his name sounded foreign, yet he was of Indian origin. I had always wondered about it. They were Christians, yet his wife, Jasmine prayed in front of lord Krishna. I always wanted to ask, but never did thinking that it was none of my business.

“Hello uncle” I said.

“Hello sweetheart. How are you?”

“Not good. Not at all”

“What’s wrong? You mind sharing with me?”

“Its mom. I don’t know why she is after me to get married? That too arranged. For all I know that guy could be a serial killer”

Uncle nodded, “right. That can happen. Though it s rare, still a possibility. BTW do you like someone else?”

“No. I don’t. But I might, in future”

“Have you talked to the guy your parents have picked?”

“Only over phone”

“Did he sound like “serial killer” types?”

“I don’t know… he sounded extra nice.”

“Ok. Would you mind telling me what is it that you are against? Is it the guy?”

“No. the whole concept of arranged marriage is something I am against. I mean how can I spend my whole life with someone I hardly know? I mean look at my parents, what good did arranged marriage do to them? They can’t even agree on the same ice cream flavor. On the contrary, look at you and Jasmine aunty. I want someone who would make such a pair with me”

He thought for a moment. And then said, “Do you have some time to spare Riya? If yes I would like to tell you a story, at the end of which you might change your mind about arranged marriages”

“I hardly think so. But yes, I would give it a shot”

“The story dates back to 1970s and took place in India. The prime characters of our story are Samir and Jasminder. Our guy, Samir was working as an engineer and when it was time for him to get married, his parents picked up Jasminder for him.”

“Back in those days, guys and girls were not allowed to go out for dates even after their parents met. Samir had just seen Jasminder once when he went to visit their house, and fell in love with her.”

“There was no way by which they could talk. But there was a phone at Jasminder’s house. On the day of their engagement, Samir asked Jasminder for the number. Boy! She did play had to get even after the engagement. But Samir wasn’t someone who would give up easily. He told her that he loved her, to which she smiled. While Samir and his family were returning home after the ceremony, Jasminder slipped a piece of paper into Samir’s hand. On the paper was a number followed by a few instructions:”

“Call me only on Tuesdays between 5-7pm. If anyone picks up the phone except me, don’t say a word. If it’s me, I will refer to you as Sonia. If I call you by some other name that means someone is beside me and I can’t talk. And yes, I like you”

“Samir’s happiness knew no limits. Finally his story was coming on track. She was a dream come true. And that face of hers was brighter that a million moons shining together. Her eyes were like the deepest oceans and her laughter was like a wind chime. All in all she was gorgeous.”

I felt the necessity to intervene, “so they lived happily ever after?”

“Not just yet my dear. Twist comes soon” uncle smiled.

“So where were we? Ah yes! Everything was going great. They would talk over phone on Tuesdays and slowly they started talking every day. They met a few times even and they were like two love birds, made for each other. The love they had burned in their eyes.”

“Problem came, a big one. Just before a week a marriage, Samir’s family came to know that Jasminder was manglik that is she was born on a new moon day. It’s considered unlucky, and believed to prove fatal for the spouse’s life.”

“Samir’s parents were so holding on to the word “manglik” that they decided to call off the marriage. Nothing would change their mind. Both Samir and Jasminder were broken. They both knew they couldn’t live without each other. When Samir knew there was no way that they could be together, he made a decision”

“He prepared visa for himself and Jasminder and left India with her, with a note saying, “I am taking her to someplace where manglik doesn’t matter. I love her and she is the one for me.”

“And then they moved to Sydney, changed their religion so that no one ever bothers about her being manglik”

“Wow! That was some story. Stuff like that can’t exist for real” I said.

“Is that so? Do you know that I was once called Samir?” uncle said with a smile on his face.

“That was your story? And Jasminder is jasmine aunty? Your marriage was arranged and then you had love marriage? Why?”

“Because I love her, so does she. There is no difference in arranged and love marriage if two hearts love each other” he said.

 After that day, I talked to Gaurav, the boy my parents had picked for me, and today is the day we are getting married. Not to mention that we love each other.

LOVE STORY

It probably won’t sound like a love story if there is no hero, heroine and a situation. Well, all love stories have that ingredient in common which are cooked in a different way to make an array of cuisines.

Well my story is not an exception to the “rules” of love stories.

It all began when I met Roshan for the first time after ten long years. All these years I had seldom thought of him. Though we were “friends” on facebook, yet we never had a chat and we remained as one of the hundreds of “facebook friends”

Had it not been for the school reunion, I would probably never got a chance to see him again. But when I did, it was as if time hadn’t moved since school days, as if I wasn’t working as a teacher, as if he wasn’t working at a MNC. For that brief moment when our eyes met, and he nodded lightly in my direction, I felt like a school girl, again!

 Then he walked in my direction. With his formal attire I would definitely admit that he looked handsome, his manly features were magnified by that boyish smile of his, he had eyes that could look into anyone’s soul and you get it how it feels like when you meet your crush… yes, I had a huge crush on him when we were in school, but so did other girls. One would never see him without the company of girls, who wore plastic smiles and fake attitudes (no doubt I was jealous of them). I was the definition of nerd back then. With my glasses, and braided hair, braces, I was a no match for the “barbies” that surrounded him. I was just one of the “watch-him-in-dreams girl”

His “hello” brought me back to reality. My heart skipped a beat.

“Hi Diyali” he said again. I could just gawk at him… my mind said, “Speak to him” but my mouth was dry. Not to mention the butterflies in my stomach that screamed “he knows your name”

He cleared his throat again, “this is where you say hi back”

I broke my train of thoughts and said, “Err hello Roshan”. Then he flashed his magnificent smile at me that dazzled me like a thousand diamonds. I smiled back…

“Wow! You have the most amazing smile… I mean without the braces your smile looks fantastic” (and I was like “look who is talking”)

The rest of the evening was almost a dream come true. We talked, a lot, exchanged numbers and he even dropped me home. Before leaving, he said, “you know I was wondering if we could meet again sometime”

I was struck by lightning. With loss of words, I nodded and left… he must have thought I was impolite… or retarded.

We decided to meet up the following weekend. Though I said that I would reach there myself, he insisted on picking me up. When I came out, he was leaning on his car, wearing a pair of denim blue jeans and a white shirt that framed his perfect features. He was a breath taking scenery. I swear I could just stand there and look at him til eternity (yes people! The teenage, mushy love feeling was seeping back) Once more he saw me gawking at him. This time I felt embarrassed.

“You are looking beautiful today, I must say you look more ravishing in sari” he said with a smile.

“When did you… oh at the reunion” I said.  We went to a coffee shop and started to talk.

“So what subjects do you teach at school?”

“I don’t…” I said.

“Sorry? You work as a teacher right?”

“Yes, but I don’t teach. I work as a primary teacher. I take care of kids of nursery” I said.

“Last I remember I heard you were doing your PhD.”

“Ya I do have a PhD degree. I don’t deny that.”

“So why are you taking care of kids?”

“I like it. I have spent too much time studying. And some time as a teacher, teaching “big kids”. I need a break now. At least for some years before I again jump back into research. You see I get peace by being with those small kids who are innocent and loving and know no politics at all. I have seen the world a little. I didn’t like it much. So this is how I escape that world. ”

He just smiled at me… a mysterious smile, the explanation of which he hasn’t given me till date.

After that day, we talked almost every day, over phone, sms, Fb, mails etc. he had returned to Canada and I was in Delhi. I missed him at times, most of the time. Before I could realize, I was in love with him. It was all “stars and diamonds”

And then 0ne day while taking over phone he said, “Diya can I tell you something?”

“Yes please”

“Promise me, you won’t tell anyone”

I felt little concerned. “Ok” was all I said.

“I have decided to settle. I am in love with a girl here. And I think she likes me too. We have been on a couple of dates even. And I think she is the one.”

My heart sank. It felt like I was drowning and I couldn’t think straight.

“Hello… you there?”

“Yes” I gulped with a lump in my throat, “say”

Though I had expected the next words to follow, I had wished in my heart that he wouldn’t say them.

“Tomorrow I am going to ask her to marry me. There is no point in delaying, right?”

“Yeah. You are right. I said wiping my tears.”

“Aren’t you happy for me? I mean you are kind of my best friend now”

“Yes I am very happy for you. Lucky girl. But then again, any girl would be lucky to have you. I said and ended the call”

That night I cried my eyes out. I cursed myself for even thinking that a guy like Roshan would ever even like me that way. After all I was still that “nerd” from school and he was still the most popular guy around. We were a perfect mismatch. I never realized when it was dawn.

I got ready to go to school. In the mirror I could see my swollen eyes, and looking at myself reminded me of Roshan’s eyes. Mine were so pale. On the contrary, his eyes always had that shine. With a heavy heart, I left for school.

The classroom seemed quite… too quite. When I entered all the kids started shouting at once and pointed to the corner of the classroom.

What I saw, I could hardly believe. Roshan was standing there. There was something small in his hands. He came to me and said,

“The kids around here are the witness to the love I have for you, and by judging the swollen eyes of yours, I can proudly say that you love me too.”

And then he went on one knee, “I cannot live without you. From the day I came to know you, I have been in love with you. Would you please accept my love and do me the honor by being my wife?”

Before I know, I was crying. And once gain I couldn’t speak but nod. He got up and hugged me.

“I am sorry for making you cry last night. The moment I decided that you are the one I want, I came to Delhi. Just to know what’s in your heart, I had made that call last night. I am sorry love.  you are mine now.” And then he slipped the ring to my finger.

I looked up to see him smile. The most dazzling smile I ever saw and I will be seeing it for a long time now. 

THE MADMAN

Preetam was returning home after a long Duration of seven years. But it seemed as if an eternity ago when he was at home. When he was accepted at a University in USA for integrated M.S with full scholarship, it made him happy beyond all limits, more than that it astonished his parents.

Now on the flight back home, he was holding two thick copies that made it all possible. The pages were old, but carefully preserved. He turned page by page and saw the beautiful scripture that changed his life. Drifting to eight years back into his life he remembered how it all started.

His father had been transferred to the city of Jodhpur, and preetam was in class XIth. Studies had never been a strong aspect of his life. It was not that he hated studies, but he wasn’t interested, that’s it.

On his way back from school, he would see a man sitting on the verandah of the house adjacent to theirs and he always kept muttering something. He once asked his mother even. She said that the poor guy had some problem that caused him to lose his mental balance and now lived with his younger brother and mother. Something about that man amused him but more than that, he was scared.

There was nothing abnormal about him except the muttering. He was well dressed, clean shaven with good looking features. His younger brother, sumeet was one year elder to me, but we often talked. It was thorough him that he came to know that Amit (the guy) was a physics masters  graduate from JNU and lost his mental balance after the accident that claimed their father.

The fact that preetam was poor in physics and chemistry got him wondering that Amit must have been really good at studies. Due to his lacking in studies, preetam often faced questions from his father like “what have you thought about career?” “Do you plan to get good grades in XIIth?”  Or “do you even think you can get into college?”

It got him frustrated at times. He would seek relief by talking to sumeet who whenever spoke of his brother; his eyes would light up as if talking about a mythological feature. Sumeet would ask preetam to meet Amit; still preetam was a wee bit afraid, so he would excuse himself.

But one day, while visiting sumeet, he wasn’t home. Preetam was face to face with Amit. He didn’t know what to do or talk. Amit looked at him while he tried to make a poor conversation. Then, Amit looked at the copy in preetam’s hand. He snatched his copy so suddenly and started writing that preetam was perplexed.

While writing, he kept muttering, “optics… I love…this problem easy…must read theory…easy if you love…important questions here…telescope…compound microscope…path of light… ah inertia…’

He kept babbling like that for over two hours, writing all the while. When sumeet arrived, he handed back preetam’s copy and what preetam saw astonished him. Written in clean hand, were the formulas, theory, points to remember, questions of optics and inertia. They were written in such a manner that it amused him to read and he understood each word of it,

From that day on, preetam started talking to Amit. But the only thing Amit responded to was the topic of physics or chemistry that preetam would say. Due to his notes, preetam improved in studies. When preetam passed XIIth with flying colors, the first person he showed his results was Amit. Perhaps he smiled when preetam hugged him.

Sitting in the plane, a tear trickled down his cheeks. He was determined to go and meet Amit the first thing. Now that his parents had shifted from Jodhpur some four years ago, he had no news of Amit. His connection to Amit as through sumeet but that stopped some three years ago.

When he reached Jodhpur, to the place where he lived seven years ago, things had changed; someone else was living in the house he used to live. He knocked on amit’s house. A woman opened the door saying that sumeet had gone nearby and would return in sometime. So he waited. His eyes were searching for Amit, but he was nowhere to be seen.

When sumeet arrived, they met, and sumeet introduced the woman as his wife. He was to stay for lunch with them. Every time preetam would start to ask about Amit, they would dodge the question. Finally during lunch, preetam asked,

“I do not see Amit bhaiya. Where is he?”

Sumeet replied, “After mom’s death, he was difficult to control. I got married and my wife was afraid of that madman. So we put him in facility”

The expression on sumeet’s face said he didn’t give a damn. Preetam was so surprised that he wanted to punch him. Instead he didn’t complete lunch and went to visit the facility

The man at reception led him to amit’s room. Preetam couldn’t recognize the man sitting behind the bars of the closed room. With overgrown hair and beard, thin face, ragged clothes, he looked like someone from the streets. Preetam could hardly control his tears.

He asked, “Why don’t you keep him properly? Look at him”

The man said, “We try, but he refuses saying that he only needs his brother to do that stuff.”

“Can I take him?” preetam asked.

“Sorry sir, but the only person who can take him is his brother. That’s our rule.”

Preetam laughed at the paradox.

The man said, “Do you know him sir?”

“Yes. This madman changed my life” he said and left with a heavy heart and tears in his eyes.

ICE CREAM

ICE CREAM

Mr. Dixit was searching for his shaving kit. Instead he found a box that contained old keys. He had been searching them for a long time but failed. Now while he was searching for something else he found that. So he put that in his bag too. He found some other useful things too and put them in his bag. He was busy packing. He had to pack everything and he had just begun.

                                   After 3hours when he was satisfied that he had almost packed everything, he put the small chest on top of everything else. He was thinking of opening it, but something stopped him. So he let it go. While the driver was loading his things, he took out his wallet to pay him. He looked at the picture of at the most beautiful girl in the world that he had preserved for almost 60years now. Now that he was retired and his beloved wife had left him recently, his son had asked him to stay with his family.

                                                    Mr.dixit was in pain and he thought it would be better if he stayed with his son. He knew someday he would have to leave, but never like this. A lot of things were going through his mind on his way to his son’s.

 In the 72 years of his life, he had thought to do lot more but some wishes are never fulfilled. That was life. And he had dealt with it. He took out his wallet and looked at the preserved picture. He had met his wife Siya when they both were 12years old. High school sweethearts, college sweethearts and finally married.  Their only son was well settled, married to a lovely girl and the father to an angel. She must be about 11years old now. Everything was perfect except the fact that his wife left early when they had promised to die together. Ugly truth.

When he landed, his son and daughter in law were waiting to pick him up. They saw him and smiled. Just as he was going to them, a girl came running to him. At first Mr.dixit was shocked, and then his eyes lit up. It was his granddaughter, the spitting image of her grandmother.it occurred to him that he last saw Lily, his granddaughter about four years ago and that she hadn’t come to siya’s funeral due to health issues.

When he hugged lily, he remembered the first time he met his wife. She was standing on the road, frustrated and was kicking her cycle. He was returning from school and saw her. She looked really cute with that smug expressio0n on the face, at least to him. And he stopped to help him. That night he had thought of the situation as “the knight who saved the damsel in distress” and later they had laughed about it when he told her some years later. The very first day he had known that she wasn’t just a girl, but someone who is going to be valuable, and he had been right.

He went with them and on the way lily kept talking to him, about her school, friends, pet (a goldfish named gold) and a sweetheart she was. Siya also used to talk and talk a lot. He enjoyed watching her expressions when she talked.  Now too, he was looking at her face. It was a nostalgic moment. When they reached home, he went to the room that was prepared for him. He took out his wallet and looked at siya’s picture, his eyes pinched and tears rolled down from his eyes. It was going to be painful, very painful indeed. Lily came to her room and asked what was wrong; he said it was just an eye infection.

Every day, he would watch lily and be reminded of Siya. Not only their face were same, but their habits too. Lily always made a face when she saw fish, just like Siya. Fish used to be Mr. Dixit favorite, but he left it the day he realized she hated it. It wasn’t only Mr. dixit who took all the pain, even Siya, who didn’t know how to cook before marriage, turned out to be an excellent cook by taking lessons when she realized he was a foodie. These little things bound them together.

Now he was taken back into time. It pained him a little harder each day. He eyes would be damp each night. But he went on. He would often walk lily to her school and play badminton with her (she would bring her fish out to ”watch” the game), which was siya’s favorite game too, even they had played badminton till the age of 67, but it was never a match since they were never against each other.

Sometimes, his daughter in law would scold lily for something and he would act as a shield, all this made their bond very tight. He would read to her and buy her small gifts like he used to do for Siya. He talked to Siya every night after the day she passed away. He told her what he  did throughout the day and how much he missed her and would then try to sleep thinking that she was stroking his hair as she always did till her end.

Spring was over, so was summer. Came the rains, siya’s most loved season. She used to sit by the window for hours with him watching rainfall. In younger days, they used to get drenched and then would go for ice cream. But health didn’t permit when they grew old. So drenching was replaced by watching, ice cream by coffee and pastries, on occasions they would have a scoop of ice cream. But the warmth did never decrease a bit.

One day he was walking lily home from school when she urged to have ice cream. He gave her a cone and then she said she won’t eat until he did. Ice cream was something he had left the day Siya died. But the kid wouldn’t understand, so he said if he had ice cream, he would fall sick so he won’t. Lily simply went to the garbage bin and threw her cone. Turned back and said, “I won’t have it unless you get well and join me. So ask me for ice cream the day you will have it with me”. He had smiled then.

That night, he said to Siya, “do you know what our angel did today? She threw him ice cream just because I didn’t have it with her. She is stubborn, just like you.” And then he had cried till he fell asleep.

Often he would think why god was cruel and hadn’t given him death yet. Life without his love was empty. He missed her too much and her absence was too much to live with. He had decided he would ask that to god when he would be face to face with him.

A few days later, when he was returning from his morning walk, he saw lily crying. Her face was all red, eyes swollen and eyes wet. When lily saw him she ran to him and cried harder. He panicked, “what’s wrong lily? What happened?”

“Grandda… gold….” And then she cried again.

“gold?”

“Gold died” and she cried again…

After a few minutes he realized that gold was her goldfish’s name.

“I am so sorry sweetheart.”

And then he held her till her crying stopped. He then asked her…

“Why don’t we go and buy you another fish?”

But she had stubbornly replied… “No! No one can ever replace gold. I won’t ever keep a fish again.”

That afternoon, he saw lily digging a hole in the garden. He went to her and asked, “May I help you in something that you are doing?”

“I am digging a grave for gold grandda. It’s time to say goodbye to her. And I would like to do it myself, but thank you for asking.”

“So why are you digging in the middle of the garden?”

“You are so silly grandda… I am doing it so that sometimes when she wants to visit us, she could watch me playing as she did every day. I cannot bind her to me because I have heard if I bind her to me, she won’t be able to let go and live her afterlife. But when she wants, she can visit. I will always have her memories to live with”

Mr.dixit didn’t say a word, but went to his room. That day he skipped dinner. Thought a lot over what the child had told him and taught him unknowingly. But was he ready yet? And he decided that he had to be.

That night he talked to Siya,” my love, the day I saw you the first time was the day I started living my life. I have loved you from the day I understood love, and I will until I take my last breath. You are my definition of love. Of the numerous times we fought, made up, cried, smiled, laughed, loved, I had lived life to the fullest. Each moment was full of life and a memory to be cherished. You were the woman every man could only dream of, and you gave me the extraordinary honor to be your life partner. But see what I did to you, I didn’t let you be at peace, kept you tied to me. It was may be because I thought if I let you go, there would be nothing left in my life, but our angel taught me that I had your memories to live with. I can see you in her. All of you. So it’s time to let go honey. It’s the last time I am talking to you. I know you will always look over me. I love you with all my heart, forever and always. Goodbye my love, my only love…”

He didn’t cry that night, but slept peacefully. The next morning, he went to lily,

“Can we go out for ice cream?”

She turned and smiled.