NOSTALGIA

HOW DO THEY SAY GOODBYE?

“9f you know the true meaning of words, goodbye is the most difficult to utter”

The first rays of the sun woke Annie from her slumber. She looked at the watch beside her bed. It was six, and it was July. “Isn’t it supposed to remain cloudy or rain? The sun is supposed to take a break after June, but it wasn’t happening.” She thought to herself.

Now that she was awake, it would be real easy to go back to sleep, but there was only a tiny problem, her mom. She wouldn’t let her sleep, again.

Just as she was yawning, her mom came into the room.

“Get used to waking up early. In 10 days you are going to stay in hostel, who will wake you up then?”

Her eyes flew open. Only 10 days were left before she went to join college? Only? How wonderful!

Mom told her, at breakfast, to start making a list of things that she wants to take with her and start packing, and then she left for work.

When she went to her room, she tried to fish out things from her cupboard and soon realized that she would never find things unless she turned the whole place upside down. Now she had to clean her room first before trying to find things.

 After 2hours of hard work, and lots of dust and useless junk, her room looked ok sort of. She thought that mom did this whole thing in just 10mins and the room looked wow. She will never be able to do it like her.

While cleaning her room, she found many things that she had forgotten even existed. She found an old album, some random pics of her and her friends, an old scrapbook, some birthday cards, New Year cards and other stuff.

While going through each of them, memories came back. It was as if her whole life was lying in front of her. All those she had spent, growing up, without even realizing it, were in her hands.

Some silly things that she and her friends had written in her scrapbook now seemed so precious. And then the realization came, she will be leaving all these behind in just 10 days.

Her whole life, her friends, her city, her family, her home! There was so much to do and so less time. She wanted to meet her friends, she wanted go on some trip, she wanted to watch the sunset with friends, she wanted to eat at her favorite places, she wanted to go to her favorite places. There was so less time and she grew up way too fast.

She took a look at her home. She was born and brought up here. Each corner held memories. She will have to stay elsewhere, away from home. The warmth of home suddenly felt so dear and leaving it would be so difficult. Everything looked so dear, even the ugly piece of wood that her mother had bought some years ago, she had always hated it, but it all seemed different now, maybe her perception was different.

She knew in her heart that once she left home, she will never come to stay here again like she had done for the past 20 years of her life. She would be coming only in holidays, maximum for a week.

 She had seen her brother go away to college 6years back. He only visited twice a year now. She wanted to ask him how he gathered the courage to leave what he was  to become what he would be, but then again, that wouldn’t be such a good idea.

10 days passed in a blur. She met with friends, went to places and tried to live each moment.

Now that packing was all done and the moment had arrived, she thought to herself that before admission she had been so eager to leave the house, now each moment is spent in thinking how she will bid farewell to her home.

She was ready to make a career, but the price to be paid was heavy, she will have to do it anyway.

She was being taught to fly, now that she is ready to fly, she must leave the nest.

While standing at the gate, she looked back at the most beautiful building in the world to her and said, “someday I will be back” but even she could hear the echo of lie in it.

With moisture in her eyes, she left.

PRAYER

PRAYER

“Oh Lord in the heaven above,

Bless me, bless me either

With absolute love or absolute hatred,

But please do not make me stand between love and hatred,

It’s a dreadful place to be”

No matter how much we try, we can never change certain people, neither their good self nor the bad. Love can change a person drastically. The only problem is it works both ways.

“Revenge is the dish best served cold”

So I have heard

But to take revenge on someone,

Whom I hold dear in my heart?

I cannot do this... no woman can,

At least not one who has been so passionate about him.

And all I ever asked for was love...

Life has never been a smooth road,

Nor I wished it to be.

I wanted him to see. Where others looked.

I wanted him to feel, where others commented.

Perhaps it was asking too much,

From someone who had nothing for me.

He turned out to be just like the others,

And all I ever wished for was my prince.

Perhaps princes do not exist,

Or they are born to be rude.

Once I loved someone with all my heart,

I gave away every bit of warmth I had,

I deserve the cold that smothers me now,

And now I have nothing left for myself.

O lord in the high heavens,

Don’t you see? Or have you become blind to me?

Do not take my grief for a curse,

I do not wish him ill, I can never.

But please do not make me stand between love and hatred,

It is a dreadful place to be.

PREJUDICE

The summer of 2009 was scorching. Everywhere it was so hot that one could barely see a person out during the day. Even animals won’t come out.

But it wasn’t only the heat of 2009 that makes is why I am mentioning it here. Apart from that, it was the very year when Deepali and her family had moved into the flat next to ours. Rumor was that they had bought it.

The former occupant of the flat was Gavvy, who lived with her parents and little brother. She was my best friend. When they moved away, I prayed to god that the flat doesn’t get occupied since Gavvy had promised that she would return one day and live there again.

Evidently, my prayer went unnoticed. I had blamed the whole thing on Deepali. She was the reason that my best friend won’t ever live next door to mine again.  I never liked Deepali since that day, though it wasn’t her fault,

One week after they moved in, her mom became the best friend my mom never had. Every evening either her mom would come to our house o mine will go to theirs. Earlier I had thought that Gavvy’s mom was my mom’s closest friend, but no. I was wrong again. This made me dislike her even more.

Some days later during dinner, mom said, “Pari, I heard that Deepali is in the same class s you. Why don’t you meet her? You have been remaining upset since Gavvy left. I am sure you both will become best friends. Deepali is a nice girl”

I never meant to be rude, but I couldn’t help it, “mom I don’t like her and nobody can ever take my best friend’s place. “

Mom didn’t say anything after that. Perhaps she thought my thoughts about Deepali will change when I get promoted to class 10^th.

But it didn’t. When school resumed, I came to know that she had joined my school but she wasn’t in my section. She would often try to talk to me at school, or during her visits with her mom to my house. I always kept conversations to a minimum,

I started hating her officially the day when my class 10^th mid sem results were out. Mom went on and on about how Deepali had scored 93percent and I remained at 89 only.

Mom knew I hate the whole comparison thing. Still… she wouldn’t stop.  I quit talking to mom. Because when ever I would talk, she would talk of how good Deepali was, and helped her mom in kitchen, did all her work herself, painted, etc etc.

This has continued for 3years now. No matter how much I tried, mom always thought I can never match up to Deepali. Fact was, I never intended to match up to her.

Things worsened when she came to my section in class 11^th. My hatred for her was like a volcano, ready to erupt.  I noticed that she wasn’t so bright in class. Could do any good in the surprise test we had. She wasn’t brilliant in any subjects, but she always managed to bag a rank during exams.

I thought perhaps she belonged to the special breed of nerds who get activated only during exams and are catalyzed by pressure.

Then I got to know the secret of her extraordinary marks. I was, sitting in the exam hall, appearing first exam of 12^th class. Deepali was sitting right in front of me and I was looking at her secret recipe for ranks.

She had a bundle of papers hidden in her socks and was holding one in her hands and copying expertly.

I had seen many of my friends copying, but I never told on them to the teachers. This time it was different. All the humiliations I underwent coz of this girl were going on in my mind.

The volcano was going to erupt, and it did. I called our invigilator and told her everything. She checked Deepali and found the evidence. She was disqualified from appearing the exam and her parents were called soon enough. They came and apologized to the teachers and took her with them. I came home and told mom everything.  Rather I commented on each and every dialogue she had told me.  She didn’t say much now.

I was happy. Finally I had done something that put my mind at peace.  Deepali didn’t appear the next exams, perhaps due to shame. She didn’t come out of the house either for days. I wasn’t even concerned.

After about 5days since the incident, while I was going to bed, I heard low sobs. Perhaps it was TV. A few minutes later, a woman was shouting, “is this why we gave you all the luxury in life? So that you can bring shame up on us? “

“But mama I didn’t mean to do so”

The voices wee familiar. They were coming through the wall. I never realized in all these years that Deepali’s bedroom and mine just had a thin wall between them.

Her dad came in “shruti, let it be. She won’t do it again”

“I promise mama I won do it again”

“I don’t care. All I want is you to score good marks. Is that so hard to do? Considering the fact that you have no work besides studies…”

“Shruti please”

“You stay out of it! I am talking to her. Just because I am her step mother doesn’t mean I will let her do anything. I never had any children of my own so that you get all my attention. And this is how you repay?”

“Mama you are my mother”

“Thank god I don’t have a daughter like you. I would have killed her”

“Mama please…” she cried. “What can I do to make you happy?”

“I want you to come 1^st in your class. I don’t care how you do it. But don’t bring shame on us. Even if you cheat, don get caught. Another thing till you come 1^st in your class, you will not be going out and no pocket money.”

Door slammed. I was sitting on my bed, unable to move.  Her face came to my mind.  The girl I always hated for being a show off and evil was something else, totally. I had never thought that this might have been her life story. The muffled cries were poking me at the heart. It’s a bad thing to cheat, but did I do the correct thing? She is going through all this only because of my prejudices against her.

I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to do something to make it up to her.

The next day I went to her house to see her. Her mom [step mom] greeted me with smiles. It was hard to imagine this smiling woman shouting so mercilessly on a girl. I went to her room. She was sitting by the window. Her eyes were dark and swollen.

If I had felt bad earlier, it was killing me now. I had caused it. I went to her and hugged her.

“I am really sorry. I didn’t know” I said.

She cried harder.  I held her and when she calmed down, I asked her to come with me. Her mom didn’t deny to me. I took her to a place where I and Gavvy went usually and that was the day I earned a new friend.  Since that day, I have two best friends.

In the next exams, I let her cheat and warned her when any teachers came near. Winning wasn’t important to her, but she had to win to live a life. She didn’t have a choice.

And as far as I am concerned, I started enjoying the comments of mom. I even laughed at few, when Deepali tried to convince mom that I was a good student than her.

CRY OF THE DUMPSTER

The other day I was going through the news when I saw an interview of a man. There was nothing special about him except the words he was saying.

“So what did you see?” the correspondent was asking.

“Yesterday when I went to throw the garbage, I heard a cry form the dustbin. I looked inside and saw a baby inside. I picked her up and then I called the police”

“Did the police ask you anything?”

“Yes just the formalities and then asked me to accompany them to the hospital for the health check of the baby”

“Thank you. That was the man who found the abandoned girl child yesterday from the dustbin and now the child is at the hospital being looked over by the child help line” the correspondent concluded.

The news was nothing new to my ears. Day in and day out we all keep hearing about girl child found from dustbins, some half dead and dead child found near road or behind some hospital, half eaten by dogs.

On one hand I see parents abandoning a perfectly healthy child just because it’s a girl and on the other hand I see couples praying for a child because they can’t have any.

Those people who think that having a son is going to solve all their problems are nothing but sick. They are sick to the core.

I wish that the government legalize the “sexing of the fetus” again because, personally, I think a child dying inside her mother is far better than dying inside a dustbin or being eaten by dogs.

Those people who throw away their child, what do they think? Do they think that someone will find their baby and adopt them or they simply think that if the baby dies inside a dustbin, it won’t be regarded as a sin?

The people who thought that putting a ban on embryo sexing is going to save the girl child never accounted for the fact that those morons who want  son, and a son only wont stop till they have a son and keep killing innocent girls.

One thing I do not understand, what is the difference between raising a girl child and a boy child? The girl child doesn’t require anything extraordinary; neither a girl child turns into an alien as she grows up.  If you do not have the strength to bring up a child, please don’t give birth to any, just because you can produce a life, it doesn’t give you the permission to end it.

In my opinion, such parents should be found out and shot. On a second thought, they don’t deserve an easy death. Their hands and legs should be tied and they should be thrown to the wolves so that they know how painful it is to be bitten and eaten alive.

P.S. – to those women who know that their baby is being murdered and still remain silent/support it- “I WISH YOUR MOM THREW YOU IN THE DUSTBIN RIGHT AFTER YOU WERE BORN”