TONIGHT

Tonight

Tonight I want to sit and listen

To the melody of the rain,

The gushing of water

On the streets,

To the roar of thunder

And the sparkling of lightening.

Tonight I want to forget

All that went wrong,

Tonight I want to forgive

All those I held a grudge against.

Tonight I want to feel

The rhythm of the shower.

Tonight I want to get wet

I need the rain to wash away

The numerous desires that I had of you,

Which of course never came true.

Tonight I want to sit by my window

Holding a cup of coffee,

Get wrapped up in a blanket

And cuddle my teddy.

Tonight I want to forget who I was,

And move along the path of fallen water

To become what I should have been.

YOU

Round and round goes the cycle of life,

Some moments last, some stay brief,

Some fade with time, some beyond it,

But I am sure, I will cherish our meet.

Never did I plan to come to you,

Nor ever expected you would join me,

Together we are inseparable,

And now I know the magic of you and me.

They say qualities should match

For liking one another as we do,

But I had read “unlike attract”,

And now I know that physics was true.

You pulled me from ennui of life,

Filled colors into its monochrome,

And blazed feelings that

I never knew existed in me.

Life is becoming desirable so fast,

Once I made a wish,

While watching a shooting star,

Never did I know that my wish  would last.

LOVE TOSSED ME ASIDE

Without words you came to life,

Without a smile you left,

Each day I watched you slip away,

Yet my hands were tied.

Now the gap between you and me is so wide,

Dear love, why did you toss me aside?

It pains me to live apart from you,

Endless tears escape my eyes

And no one to hear the tortured cries.

Dear love where did you go?

Am I so bad that I became your foe?

While others wanted diamonds,

Demanded time and gifts,

I was happy with teddy and toffees

Still happy with calls and texts,

So where did it all go wrong?

Dear love, where have you gone?

With no hands to hold me back

When all the stupid things I try,

With no one to tell me all the qualities I lack,

I feel as if someone has put out all the lights,

Dear love, why did you leave me tonight?

Standing by the bay, I look at the setting sun,

Blazing the sky with orange and red,

I watch the tides come and go,

Each time they wash away my footprints,

I wait for you to return with the tide….

Yet my dear love… why did you toss me aside??

DISCOVERING ME

“With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance all things are attainable”

-       Thomas Foxwell Buxton

Once I heard someone saying, “I wish life was easy”. I simply walked away. Someone who expects life to come easy doesn’t want any challenges or adventures. Life is not about reaching at a destination, rather the walk towards the destination matters.

Every one of us makes mistakes, some we regret later, some adds experience, and some just provokes us to repeat them again.

At the beginning, we all start off from the same point, naïve, without experience, anxious and seeking moments where we can show our bravado.

Sooner or later, there comes a moment where we feel we had enough and probably we should quit, and then something happens that gives us the courage necessary to go on, hence begins the journey of discovering oneself truly.

Every human being goes through dark times and those are the best moments to know about the extreme of one’s capabilities.

In moments of absolute fear, when we feel no one can help us and we are about to be doomed, we discover courage. A man, who doesn’t know swimming when thrown into water, will work his hands and legs and there is maximum chance that he will learn how to swim. Some people may require the presence of sharks in water to gain the necessary courage, still they do find it. And then again courage doesn’t always roar, sometimes it’s a silent voice at the end of the day saying “I will try again”

In moments of weakness, we discover the strength among ourselves. Most of us must know about the canyoneer Aron Ralston, who was trapped by a boulder in an isolated slot canyon at Blue John Canyon in April 2003 and eventually amputated his own right arm in order to free himself.  Can you imagine that amount of strength???

In the times of heartbreak, we discover will power. Will power is something that doesn’t come to surface until it is tampered with. Rejection is followed by heartbreak. When we give our efforts into making something and it is instantly turned down, it renders us faithless. Some give up and some rise to give it another try. Somewhere I read, “God doesn’t want you to win, he just wants that you try”.

Sometimes we are faced with humiliation. People laughing at our hard work, calling us a good for nothing and many more names. Those who laugh do not know the pain someone has undergone to make things and present them. It’s easy to laugh. In such moments of insult, we discover determination, determination to do things better than we did last time and come out with something perfect. Winning doesn’t always mean coming first; it means that you have done better than you did last time.

Moments of betrayal teach us about trust. When we discover why we were betrayed in the first place and try to mend it, the chances of being fooled again decreases. Sometime we think that the only person we can trust is ourself, but some other faces do come to mind. It might amaze us to know that someone we thought would stab us at our back actually stands with us in our difficult times. Those moments of realization gives us hope that something good can and will happen, and the hatred in our heart turns into love.

The most important lesson that we should learn is that we should have the strength to forgive ourself. It’s ok to make mistakes, its ok to trust the wrong people, its ok to be weak, it’s ok to screw things up and it’s ok to fall down. What is important is to accept the fault and let go. Move ahead and make life better. Past is gone, there is no point in thinking about it and spoiling the present and future.

Mistakes are not stop signs, take them as guidelines. And mistakes hurt when they happen, but after years, when you look back, they are not mistakes anymore, they are just experiences.

The joy when you sit and analyze what you have become thanks to all those mistakes and people is overwhelming. The moment when you realize that you are strong and determined, you get to know that you are beautiful and capable of making miracles.

The journey of discovering oneself goes on till the last breath and the joys of discovering something new is profound.

As said by Robert Frost, in “the road not taken”

 “I took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference”

PERCEPTION

“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the ways we perceive the world and all use this understanding as a guide to communication with others”

Manisha returned from college, went to her room and closed her door. When she didn’t come out for lunch, saying that she was not feeling well, her grandmother went to her room.

Manisha was lying on the bed, pretending to be asleep. But nothing escapes a mother’s eye. She went to her bed and said, “I know you are not sleeping, so quit acting. What’s wrong?”

At first Manisha thought she would lie but she did want to talk to someone, and talking to her grandmother would be like talking to herself only. She trusted her granny and had told her about every problem she faced. She was an expert at finding solutions. She must have a solution to this.

Manisha lifted her head and said, “How did you know I wasn’t sleeping?”

Granny smiled and said, “Experience sweetheart. I have seen this many times. Now tell me what happened”

“You know my classmate Rupa?” Manisha said.

Granny nodded and she continued, “I think she is the reason that I didn’t get a chance to participate in the national essay competition going on in our college.”

“And why do you think that to be true?” granny asked.

“Because I saw her talking to the teacher who is managing the events and she was pointing in my direction. Another thing is that, I think she is getting back at me for defeating her at the competition held earlier t college”

“Hmm… so that’s it?”

“Grandma! Its not small thing!”

“But dear, you are only making assumption. It might turn out false”

“I don’t think so… besides I heard preeti also saying the same thing”

“Now, first I think you should eat the lunch I brought you. And while you eat, I will tell you a story”

“Please… neither I want lunch nor story… I want to stay alone”

“I wont listen anything… eat your lunch… or else I will call your mother and tell her that you haven’t had lunch”

“Your ultimate weapon!!! No doubt my mother is your daughter… she also threatens saying that she will tell papa”

While she was having food, she said, “Now tell me the story”

“But you said you didn’t want to hear it”

“Please! Don makes me beg now”

“Ok… here it goes. Once there were four people traveling towards a city. They were not traveling together, but met each other up on the way.”

“One of them was a priest, another owned a cafeteria at his town, another man owned a cloth store and the last man was a butcher. Now among these the butcher was an atheist”

“After traveling a while, they decided to have lunch and then sat under a tree. While they were eating, a parrot came and sat on a branch just above them and started speaking something.”

“On hearing it, the cafeteria owner said, ‘see, the parrot is saying it wants some water’

The priest said,’ no, it’s saying save me Jesus”

On hearing this, the atheist said, “You all can’t hear, its saying, there is no Jesus”

The man who owned the cloth store said, “No… it said silk is precious”

Then they all started quarreling, and the parrot flew away… story over” granny said.

“What kind of story was that? “ Manisha asked.

“It was a good story… tell me what you want to know about it?”

“You didn’t tell me what the parrot was actually saying”

“Only the parrot knows what it was saying”

“What!!! So why were all those people saying they heard?”

“That is what you should understand… we see things as we want to see them. The people actually heard what they wanted to hear, the poor bird wasn’t saying anything to them. It was saying and singing in its own language. The only difference is in our perception”

“Just because you think your classmate is the reason you didn’t get selected doesn’t mean its true… you think it is true because you want to see it that way. Did you ask your teacher as why he didn’t select you? Granny asked

“No” Manisha replied.

“Then I suggest you talk to him and stop moping around”

NOSTALGIA

HOW DO THEY SAY GOODBYE?

“9f you know the true meaning of words, goodbye is the most difficult to utter”

The first rays of the sun woke Annie from her slumber. She looked at the watch beside her bed. It was six, and it was July. “Isn’t it supposed to remain cloudy or rain? The sun is supposed to take a break after June, but it wasn’t happening.” She thought to herself.

Now that she was awake, it would be real easy to go back to sleep, but there was only a tiny problem, her mom. She wouldn’t let her sleep, again.

Just as she was yawning, her mom came into the room.

“Get used to waking up early. In 10 days you are going to stay in hostel, who will wake you up then?”

Her eyes flew open. Only 10 days were left before she went to join college? Only? How wonderful!

Mom told her, at breakfast, to start making a list of things that she wants to take with her and start packing, and then she left for work.

When she went to her room, she tried to fish out things from her cupboard and soon realized that she would never find things unless she turned the whole place upside down. Now she had to clean her room first before trying to find things.

 After 2hours of hard work, and lots of dust and useless junk, her room looked ok sort of. She thought that mom did this whole thing in just 10mins and the room looked wow. She will never be able to do it like her.

While cleaning her room, she found many things that she had forgotten even existed. She found an old album, some random pics of her and her friends, an old scrapbook, some birthday cards, New Year cards and other stuff.

While going through each of them, memories came back. It was as if her whole life was lying in front of her. All those she had spent, growing up, without even realizing it, were in her hands.

Some silly things that she and her friends had written in her scrapbook now seemed so precious. And then the realization came, she will be leaving all these behind in just 10 days.

Her whole life, her friends, her city, her family, her home! There was so much to do and so less time. She wanted to meet her friends, she wanted go on some trip, she wanted to watch the sunset with friends, she wanted to eat at her favorite places, she wanted to go to her favorite places. There was so less time and she grew up way too fast.

She took a look at her home. She was born and brought up here. Each corner held memories. She will have to stay elsewhere, away from home. The warmth of home suddenly felt so dear and leaving it would be so difficult. Everything looked so dear, even the ugly piece of wood that her mother had bought some years ago, she had always hated it, but it all seemed different now, maybe her perception was different.

She knew in her heart that once she left home, she will never come to stay here again like she had done for the past 20 years of her life. She would be coming only in holidays, maximum for a week.

 She had seen her brother go away to college 6years back. He only visited twice a year now. She wanted to ask him how he gathered the courage to leave what he was  to become what he would be, but then again, that wouldn’t be such a good idea.

10 days passed in a blur. She met with friends, went to places and tried to live each moment.

Now that packing was all done and the moment had arrived, she thought to herself that before admission she had been so eager to leave the house, now each moment is spent in thinking how she will bid farewell to her home.

She was ready to make a career, but the price to be paid was heavy, she will have to do it anyway.

She was being taught to fly, now that she is ready to fly, she must leave the nest.

While standing at the gate, she looked back at the most beautiful building in the world to her and said, “someday I will be back” but even she could hear the echo of lie in it.

With moisture in her eyes, she left.

PRAYER

PRAYER

“Oh Lord in the heaven above,

Bless me, bless me either

With absolute love or absolute hatred,

But please do not make me stand between love and hatred,

It’s a dreadful place to be”

No matter how much we try, we can never change certain people, neither their good self nor the bad. Love can change a person drastically. The only problem is it works both ways.

“Revenge is the dish best served cold”

So I have heard

But to take revenge on someone,

Whom I hold dear in my heart?

I cannot do this... no woman can,

At least not one who has been so passionate about him.

And all I ever asked for was love...

Life has never been a smooth road,

Nor I wished it to be.

I wanted him to see. Where others looked.

I wanted him to feel, where others commented.

Perhaps it was asking too much,

From someone who had nothing for me.

He turned out to be just like the others,

And all I ever wished for was my prince.

Perhaps princes do not exist,

Or they are born to be rude.

Once I loved someone with all my heart,

I gave away every bit of warmth I had,

I deserve the cold that smothers me now,

And now I have nothing left for myself.

O lord in the high heavens,

Don’t you see? Or have you become blind to me?

Do not take my grief for a curse,

I do not wish him ill, I can never.

But please do not make me stand between love and hatred,

It is a dreadful place to be.

PREJUDICE

The summer of 2009 was scorching. Everywhere it was so hot that one could barely see a person out during the day. Even animals won’t come out.

But it wasn’t only the heat of 2009 that makes is why I am mentioning it here. Apart from that, it was the very year when Deepali and her family had moved into the flat next to ours. Rumor was that they had bought it.

The former occupant of the flat was Gavvy, who lived with her parents and little brother. She was my best friend. When they moved away, I prayed to god that the flat doesn’t get occupied since Gavvy had promised that she would return one day and live there again.

Evidently, my prayer went unnoticed. I had blamed the whole thing on Deepali. She was the reason that my best friend won’t ever live next door to mine again.  I never liked Deepali since that day, though it wasn’t her fault,

One week after they moved in, her mom became the best friend my mom never had. Every evening either her mom would come to our house o mine will go to theirs. Earlier I had thought that Gavvy’s mom was my mom’s closest friend, but no. I was wrong again. This made me dislike her even more.

Some days later during dinner, mom said, “Pari, I heard that Deepali is in the same class s you. Why don’t you meet her? You have been remaining upset since Gavvy left. I am sure you both will become best friends. Deepali is a nice girl”

I never meant to be rude, but I couldn’t help it, “mom I don’t like her and nobody can ever take my best friend’s place. “

Mom didn’t say anything after that. Perhaps she thought my thoughts about Deepali will change when I get promoted to class 10^th.

But it didn’t. When school resumed, I came to know that she had joined my school but she wasn’t in my section. She would often try to talk to me at school, or during her visits with her mom to my house. I always kept conversations to a minimum,

I started hating her officially the day when my class 10^th mid sem results were out. Mom went on and on about how Deepali had scored 93percent and I remained at 89 only.

Mom knew I hate the whole comparison thing. Still… she wouldn’t stop.  I quit talking to mom. Because when ever I would talk, she would talk of how good Deepali was, and helped her mom in kitchen, did all her work herself, painted, etc etc.

This has continued for 3years now. No matter how much I tried, mom always thought I can never match up to Deepali. Fact was, I never intended to match up to her.

Things worsened when she came to my section in class 11^th. My hatred for her was like a volcano, ready to erupt.  I noticed that she wasn’t so bright in class. Could do any good in the surprise test we had. She wasn’t brilliant in any subjects, but she always managed to bag a rank during exams.

I thought perhaps she belonged to the special breed of nerds who get activated only during exams and are catalyzed by pressure.

Then I got to know the secret of her extraordinary marks. I was, sitting in the exam hall, appearing first exam of 12^th class. Deepali was sitting right in front of me and I was looking at her secret recipe for ranks.

She had a bundle of papers hidden in her socks and was holding one in her hands and copying expertly.

I had seen many of my friends copying, but I never told on them to the teachers. This time it was different. All the humiliations I underwent coz of this girl were going on in my mind.

The volcano was going to erupt, and it did. I called our invigilator and told her everything. She checked Deepali and found the evidence. She was disqualified from appearing the exam and her parents were called soon enough. They came and apologized to the teachers and took her with them. I came home and told mom everything.  Rather I commented on each and every dialogue she had told me.  She didn’t say much now.

I was happy. Finally I had done something that put my mind at peace.  Deepali didn’t appear the next exams, perhaps due to shame. She didn’t come out of the house either for days. I wasn’t even concerned.

After about 5days since the incident, while I was going to bed, I heard low sobs. Perhaps it was TV. A few minutes later, a woman was shouting, “is this why we gave you all the luxury in life? So that you can bring shame up on us? “

“But mama I didn’t mean to do so”

The voices wee familiar. They were coming through the wall. I never realized in all these years that Deepali’s bedroom and mine just had a thin wall between them.

Her dad came in “shruti, let it be. She won’t do it again”

“I promise mama I won do it again”

“I don’t care. All I want is you to score good marks. Is that so hard to do? Considering the fact that you have no work besides studies…”

“Shruti please”

“You stay out of it! I am talking to her. Just because I am her step mother doesn’t mean I will let her do anything. I never had any children of my own so that you get all my attention. And this is how you repay?”

“Mama you are my mother”

“Thank god I don’t have a daughter like you. I would have killed her”

“Mama please…” she cried. “What can I do to make you happy?”

“I want you to come 1^st in your class. I don’t care how you do it. But don’t bring shame on us. Even if you cheat, don get caught. Another thing till you come 1^st in your class, you will not be going out and no pocket money.”

Door slammed. I was sitting on my bed, unable to move.  Her face came to my mind.  The girl I always hated for being a show off and evil was something else, totally. I had never thought that this might have been her life story. The muffled cries were poking me at the heart. It’s a bad thing to cheat, but did I do the correct thing? She is going through all this only because of my prejudices against her.

I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to do something to make it up to her.

The next day I went to her house to see her. Her mom [step mom] greeted me with smiles. It was hard to imagine this smiling woman shouting so mercilessly on a girl. I went to her room. She was sitting by the window. Her eyes were dark and swollen.

If I had felt bad earlier, it was killing me now. I had caused it. I went to her and hugged her.

“I am really sorry. I didn’t know” I said.

She cried harder.  I held her and when she calmed down, I asked her to come with me. Her mom didn’t deny to me. I took her to a place where I and Gavvy went usually and that was the day I earned a new friend.  Since that day, I have two best friends.

In the next exams, I let her cheat and warned her when any teachers came near. Winning wasn’t important to her, but she had to win to live a life. She didn’t have a choice.

And as far as I am concerned, I started enjoying the comments of mom. I even laughed at few, when Deepali tried to convince mom that I was a good student than her.

CRY OF THE DUMPSTER

The other day I was going through the news when I saw an interview of a man. There was nothing special about him except the words he was saying.

“So what did you see?” the correspondent was asking.

“Yesterday when I went to throw the garbage, I heard a cry form the dustbin. I looked inside and saw a baby inside. I picked her up and then I called the police”

“Did the police ask you anything?”

“Yes just the formalities and then asked me to accompany them to the hospital for the health check of the baby”

“Thank you. That was the man who found the abandoned girl child yesterday from the dustbin and now the child is at the hospital being looked over by the child help line” the correspondent concluded.

The news was nothing new to my ears. Day in and day out we all keep hearing about girl child found from dustbins, some half dead and dead child found near road or behind some hospital, half eaten by dogs.

On one hand I see parents abandoning a perfectly healthy child just because it’s a girl and on the other hand I see couples praying for a child because they can’t have any.

Those people who think that having a son is going to solve all their problems are nothing but sick. They are sick to the core.

I wish that the government legalize the “sexing of the fetus” again because, personally, I think a child dying inside her mother is far better than dying inside a dustbin or being eaten by dogs.

Those people who throw away their child, what do they think? Do they think that someone will find their baby and adopt them or they simply think that if the baby dies inside a dustbin, it won’t be regarded as a sin?

The people who thought that putting a ban on embryo sexing is going to save the girl child never accounted for the fact that those morons who want  son, and a son only wont stop till they have a son and keep killing innocent girls.

One thing I do not understand, what is the difference between raising a girl child and a boy child? The girl child doesn’t require anything extraordinary; neither a girl child turns into an alien as she grows up.  If you do not have the strength to bring up a child, please don’t give birth to any, just because you can produce a life, it doesn’t give you the permission to end it.

In my opinion, such parents should be found out and shot. On a second thought, they don’t deserve an easy death. Their hands and legs should be tied and they should be thrown to the wolves so that they know how painful it is to be bitten and eaten alive.

P.S. – to those women who know that their baby is being murdered and still remain silent/support it- “I WISH YOUR MOM THREW YOU IN THE DUSTBIN RIGHT AFTER YOU WERE BORN”

FAREWELL

FAREWELL

The cool summer breeze,

Flowing through her hair,

She sits on the far end,

Eyes full of despair.

An epitome of absolute beauty,

She looks far with brimming eyes.

She looks so holy, in her melancholy.

Loved by many, wanted by many more,

She is one worth living for.

She sits among the fallen leaves,

Dried and brittle just like herself,

She picks a handful and

Watches them fly away.

She holds dried rose petals n her hand,

Bringing them to her lips,

Her heart whispers a silent prayer.

Her face soaking the golden shine,

She keeps saying “once he was mine”

She laments, but none is to hear,

To each memory, she donates a tear.

The sun, the moon, the summer, the autumn

Had bear testimony of the treachery,

That was played on her,

Yet they choose to remain silent.

She is so close, yet so far.

To achieve peace, she has to be at war

With none other than herself,

And she is determined to emerge victorious.

She came to bade farewell to all his memories.

The laughter they had, the love they spilled

At this very place, is now agony filled.

She has decided to sail far away

Leaving all behind, in search of a new way.

She had enough! She had enough! 

A THOUGHT

A THOUGHT

A thought is enough for a smile to keep,

A thought is enough for a person to weep,

Remembering a broken promise,

Or a joke that was cheap.

A thought that once we were happy,

A moment that changed our life,

And Made life unbearable

A Thought wondering why the pain is so deep.

A thought why children smile,

For no reason at all, there innocent faces,

Trust that they have on everyone,

Wish we could do that once every while.

A thought why the flower blooms,

Beautifies the plant; Withers and falls off,

The plant must be upset,

 Yet a new bud always takes its place.

A heart once broken is not easy to heal,

But the person who gave the pain,

Still occupies the heart and rules it,

Can fix it if the extremities of your pain you make him feel.

A thought why we take snap decisions,

And break a relation, thoughtfully made

Few soft words can end the argument

And make anger fade.

Life is too short to be spent in fault findings,

Holding grudges, closing our hearts

For the one we love, a small mistake that changed it all,

And the suffering on both ends that will never fall.

Forgiveness is the key to all guilt,

Discarding all egos, you must always

Hold on to the person you love,

And strengthen the relationship you once built.

A thought is enough for a smile to keep,

A thought is enough for a person to weep,

My love is mine and I his, for all eternity,

With this thought I go to sleep.

KINDNESS

I was deep in sleep when the vibration of my phone woke me up. I looked up at the time and it was 3pm. considering the fact that it was a Sunday, I had the basic human right of not to be disturbed on a holiday.

It had been a rough week. I had worked straight through the week; 10 hours per day [even Saturday] at least I deserved some mercy, but no! They were cruel. Didn’t I know that already?

I looked up at my cell. It wasn’t a number that I had taken the pain to save in my cell phone. I ignored it. Call from known people was more than enough to piss me off. I didn’t need an extra topping from unknown people now. The call ended.

Adding to the flavor of working all week, I had received a dessert of “guilt trip” from mom who had been chanting the mantra of “you do not have time for me” during lunch. As expected I had stormed out of the dinging room, skipping my lunch.

It was just after a minute that my cell vibrated again. The inaudible trrr trrr of my little, cute, hugely irritating phone made my head explode. Finally I picked it up…

“Whoever this is... I am going to kill you for ruining my sleep” I said, mentally of course.

In real I said “hello”

From the other side I heard a familiar voice “hello Aditi. This is Subhalakshmi.”

M. Subhalashmi or simply Lakshmi aunty worked with me at office. She was the reason I didn’t mind spending all days of week at office. She was short, fragile with a bit of grey hair, beautiful nonetheless. There was something about her face that radiated warmth. Whenever I got time in office, I go to her and we would sit and chat. Despite her age, she was quite modern in her thoughts and I loved that about her.

 “Sorry dear if I disturbed you on holiday”

“Its okay aunty. Is everything alright?”

“Actually I need a bit of help from you. I am standing in front of the city hospital and calling from booth”

I panicked. “Are you alright? What happened? Are you hurt?”

“Calm down Aditi. I am fine. If it’s not too much asking, can you pick me up? I have my grandson with me and he can’t walk as he broke his leg this morning and now it’s plastered. I was waiting for taxi but I just heard that today is some sort of strike”

“Its okay aunty. Just stay there. I am reaching within 10minutes”

I picked up my purse, car keys and left my room. Mom was watching TV in the hall.

“Maa I am going out. I have some work. I will return in an hour” no matter how mad I was, I never forgot to tell her before going out. It had become a custom after dad was transferred out of state.

“But you didn’t even had lunch!”  she exclaimed.

I was hungry. But anger outlived my hunger.

“My stomach is full... actually overflowing with the conversation that you fed me”

I didn’t hear what she was saying. I left. I found Lakshmi aunty standing in front of the hospital gate. She waved at me. Beside her, was a kid? He was Perhaps 8years old with a plastered leg.

I got out and helped the kid to get in the back seat. Aunty sat with me in the front. After putting on seat belts, I asked, “where to?”

Aunty never mentioned where she stayed.

She smiled and said “I will tell you the directions”

After driving about half an hour, she suddenly said “just two houses ahead is my home”

I stopped after two houses. I looked at the house and then looked at aunty with confusion. She smiled. “Is this where you live?” I asked in confusion.

“Yes. Would you like to come in?”

I wasn’t sure if this was a joke. She got out and helped the kid. I joined her. And then we went inside a house, the board outside read “HOPE – a home for orphan children”

The inside of the house was not like any orphanage. It looked like a normal home. The only difference was that there were many children… of all age groups, moving about the house.

On seeing Lakshmi aunty, they all ran towards and formed a crowd around her.

One thing I noticed was that all the kids referred to aunty as “maa”. Some kids told aunty about some fights they had, some showed her the paintings they made, books they read and much more. After a while, aunty said,

“Kids I want you to meet someone. This is Aditi didi”

Everyone said “hello didi “in unison. I smiled back... aunty said again “kids we should ask didi to sit and have something Na? She helped us today”

No sooner she said the words… that the kids welcomed me. One kid bought a chair. Another got me a glass of water”

I sat there nibbling at the cookies I was offered while aunty went inside with all the kids. She returned after few minutes.

“So dear… do you like my house?”

“I don’t understand aunty. You stay here? Really?”

“Yes. What’s wrong with this place?”

“As far as I know, you have two sons, right?”

She laughed. “Yes. I do. They visit me every Saturday”

“Did they ask you to move out?” I asked. That’s what’s happening these days.

She laughed some more. “They didn’t kick me out, if that’s what you are asking. I like it here.”

“Why? Why an orphanage?”

“Dear it’s a home, a home with lots of kids. This is the first house that my husband and I bought. We turned it into HOPE after my younger son left for college. after my husband passed away, I took charge of running it.”

“And how does it run?”

“With my salary. And my husband’s pension. Some people donate funds at times”

“I still don’t understand aunty.”

“Aditi, not all of us are fortunate enough to be born in a family, or get the basic necessities of life. I was brought up in an orphanage myself, though that place was very different from this one. They used to make us work. Food was miserable. We got new clothes once a year on annual day when people used to visit to donate money. That was when I decided that one day I will make a home for kids like me who will have normal life like every kid living with parents”

“I noticed they call you maa”

“I am the only family they have beside each other. They do not know what mother and father is, and what affection is. I am both to them. That’s the reason they call me maa. I am their mother, father, grandmother… everything. When I see children fighting with their parents, I think of these children. They would do anything to have even a bit of love and care, but the ones who have parents do not care. They should stand in these kid’s shoes for one moment. They are lucky.”

“Yes they are.” I said and got up.

“You are leaving? Please stay for evening prayers. It will start in sometime”

“No aunty. I have some urgent work at home. I have to leave.”

She smiled, “as you wish dear. Thank you for helping me”

“No. thanks you. I owe you a lot” I said and hugged her.

When I came outside, the children followed and came near me. Standing there among so many kids, I felt like a kindergaden teacher.  A small girl about 5years old pulled my hand.

“Didi will you come back?” she asked with eyes full of expectation.

“What is your name?” I asked.

“Khushi”

“Khushi” I said bending down on my knees“I promise I will be back next Saturday” she planted a kiss on my cheeks.

I went to my car. I turned to look all kids waving at me. Standing beside them was Lakshmi aunty. Together they looked like the most perfect family in the world.

I came home and said “mom… lets go shopping”

She was puzzled. “What?”

“Yes. Let’s go. It’s been a long time since we had some girl time together. Shopping, then dinner. Get ready”

“But you said you had a long week and you want to rest”

“I will take the day off tomorrow. Just get ready. I can’t wait. I am hungry”

“I knew you would be hungry. I made kheer”

I went to her and hugged her. Silently I prayed “thank you god. I love my mom”

A DAY WITHOUT YOU

A DAY WITHOUT YOU

How do I explain how I spend a day without you?

No words in this world can convey my grief.

You are my life, yet far away from me,

A day without you is a day without relief.

Remembering all your sugary words,

Your sweet voice that made them sweeter,

I feel I hear nothing today,

A day without you is a day quieter.

Your eyes that said the untold words,

And filled my life with color,

I feel blind today,

A day without you is a day less brighter.

Your smile that makes my day,

Fills the dark corners of my life,

I feel heavyhearted today,

A day without you is a day I go astray.

Without you, I have no subsistence,

I cherish our memories today, and try to live, and fail

For a day without you,

Is a day spent in hell.

LAST LETTERS HOME

I am a big fan of Hollywood movies. So the moment I get the remote in my hands, I flip through channels and reach the English movie channels to see what’s on them. Most of the time they play the same movies over and again, still I enjoy them... and I know many of my friends do so too.
Yesterday morning, I got my hand on the remote… probably at 8:30 in the morning {yes I watch TV early} and was flipping through channels when I stopped at HBO. 
A documentary was being played. Yes, the word “documentary movie” is enough for us to wrinkle our noses, but I watched it. And after it was over, I felt different. It affected me a lot.
The name of the documentary was “LAST LETTERS HOME” about 10 American soldiers who lost there lives in the Iraq war… and there families talk about the last letter they had sent home. I know I will never forget those 1o names.
They were 
1. Capt. Josh Byers
2. Sgt. Frank Carvill
3. 2nd Lt. Leonard M. Cowherd
4. PFC. Jesse Givens
5. PFC. Raheen Heighter
6. Capt. Pierre Piché
7. PFC. Francisco (Pancho) Martinez-Flores
8. Specialist Robert Wise
9. Specialist Michelle Witmer
10. PFC. Holly McGeogh




Capt. Josh Byers: he was 29 years old, killed on July 23rd, when a bomb detonated under his vehicle.
He wrote his last letter to his parents on July 21st. in the letters written prior to that he mentioned him being a commander. Though he liked his job, yet he accepts that war takes a lot from someone who fought it. He wanted to come home. And his letter arrived after a week he was buried.


Sgt. Frank Carvill: he was 51. Killed by an explosive device in Baghdad on 5th July 2004.
He talked of being stuck thee. Though he is committed to his duty, still he missed his home and wanted desperately to come home. In an e-mail to his friend he wrote “one of our heavy vehicles got stuck today in soft ground. The local Iraqis came by with a bulldozer and a front end loader and helped us. The Iraqi guy who organized the vehicle rescue refused to take money. We have not lost yet.”


2nd Lt. Leonard M. Cowherd:  he died on May 16th in a sniper attack.  He was 23.
His father says that before his son’s death he was told that they were moved to a green zone. He should have been safe… but things didn’t go as planned. He was supposed to be home in June that year. But received an extension up to august.  He has a wife. He had been married for just a year.


PFC Jesse Givens: he was killed on May 1st, 2003.  He was 34.  He was at war when his wife was expecting another baby. The news of his death arrived a few weeks after she gave birth to another son, and a “goodbye” letter arrived after they had buried him. He never got to see his son, who will now know his father only though his photographs and letters.




PFC Holly McGeogh: she was killed on January 31st 2004. She was 19years old. Her family read out a letter she wrote for Christmas saying that this was her 1st Christmas ever spent away from home. In her letter, she told her mother to be strong and that when she returned home, they would go together for shopping and have lots of holidays together. She never returned. Her family got the letter just shortly after they received the news of her death.
Her mother says that she wanted to see her, but the army people didn’t allow it. She never got to see her daughter’s body. She never could say goodbye to her even. She just had to say goodbye to a casket


PFC. Francisco (Pancho) Martinez-Flores: he died when his tank went into a river. He was 21. In the few letters he wrote before his death, he asked his family to send him few items including cameras and chopsticks.
He has a mother and a sister. In his last letter, he wrote that things were crazy. And he wanted to return home. His dedication for his country made him proud but it was still a crazy place to be. After his death, the army recovered his camera, and he had taken pictures. His family has those pictures that have a blue borders on both ends since they were submerged in water and partially destroyed.
Specialist Robert Wise: died on November 12th 2003. 
In his last letters to his mother, he says that everything seems to be like a move scene. He was supposed to come home in June.  His last words in the letter were “tell everyone I said hi… and I will come home one day” 
His body arrived, he didn’t.
Captain Pierre E. Pich: killed on 15th November when his helicopter crashed. He was 29.
In his letter to his mother, he wrote that he will definitely be home by early February and he wanted to get out of the military. Joining the military had done lots of good to him, but it was time he quit. 
He had got enrolled for at a college for graduate. He wanted to become a teacher. He never returned.


Specialist Michelle Witmer: died on April 9th, 2004. She was 20.
When she was 10years old, she told her two sisters that she wanted to be a hero in future. Her other two sisters are also in the military. And they are proud of her. In her last e-mails, she said that the war has changed her perspective on life and she has new experiences each day, but that doesn’t stop the need of coming home to family. She never came.
PFC. Raheen Heighter : died on july 24th, 2003. he was 22. in his last letter, he wrote to his mother that he was fine and she shouldn’t worry about him. He was happy that he would be home by September {latest}, he didn’t.


             These were just 10 stories of American soldiers who gave up their lives for their country. There are a million stories around the world.  This brings me to think why there are wars? Moreover those politicians, who declare wars, never go to fight them. While they sit in luxurious houses, eating, drinking and posing for different newspapers, millions die. 
Being in military is one of the best services a person can provide to his/her nation, but nobody can ever fill there places, when they are gone. One single word “war” slipped from a politician’s mouth ruins many lives.
While we live through grudges, greed, prejudices, hatred for our loved ones, there are people who will never return… they are gone. Can you imagine yourself in their shoes???
The families whose members are stationed at wars live each day with fear that two uniformed men will appear at their doorsteps and ask “mam/ sir I need to come in” and they will know. They pray each day that this day doesn’t come.
All those families are left with the last letters, their national flag which was used to cover the coffin of their children and Medal of Honor. Nothing can ever replace that vacant seat in their home and nobody ever be like the smiling pictures they left behind.